Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
