I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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