Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize