Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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