I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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