Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
