nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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