I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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