Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
