Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You were trust falling into bushes
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
