Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Screwed.edu
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
