i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
