I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
