I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
