So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
