No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
