Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
