Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
