HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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