New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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