Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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