everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
