"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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