we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
