It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
