You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
