He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
