I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
