I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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