I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
