i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Someone came in the potted fern
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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