It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Congratulations! We have a period
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