You're completely useless in the revolution.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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