SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
