So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Girls should come with a carfax report
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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You. Win. At. Life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
