Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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