never play flip cup with pint glasses
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
