grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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