So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
