hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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