Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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