dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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