YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
