never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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