Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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