I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
