I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
