is your mom at the bar?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
