you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
