hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
