I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
