fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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