You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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