the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
