He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
