I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
