chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize