Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
