moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
