I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
