you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
