Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My life is pants optional.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
