she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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