but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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