I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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