Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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