I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
